September last year I went to university. I left my small village in North West Wales and moved to London. Now that is a big step for someone only just turned 18, but I did it.
I remember my parents unpacking all my boxes in my new room and thinking to myself ‘I can not do this’, but I did.
My first night sleeping in my bed thinking how I’m not going to survive without my parents not because I relied on them, but because I won’t see them everyday I thought I couldn’t cope, but I did.
Lastly, I broke my back and thought I couldn’t get through it, but I did.
If I’m being honest, this is more of a rant page to teach myself something more than anything (don’t worry the more lighthearted posts will be up later). I really wanted to write about a serious topic which is, fear.
Recently I’ve been afraid a lot. I’ve been afraid of the future, my life and mostly myself.
Since I was a young girl I always had a plan of how my life would go, but recently it doesn’t look like it’s going that way. That really scared me. I’d have sleepless nights thinking over and over where I went wrong and what can I do to resolve it. But I could never find a solution. I’d call up friends and confine in them and ask them and they all had the same answer ‘Relax’.
I am only 18 years old in my first year of Uni, but I saw people my age travelling, getting houses, having great jobs and cars. While I was in my Uni hall eating pot noodles, watching Netflix, then the worry started, I was thinking about how I didn’t have anything planned or aspired to anything except to get my degree. I got into this downward spiral of despair and self pity about how I had nothing to look forward or aspire to in life. I think this stage is the most frightened I have been in my life because I didn’t know where I was going in life, I had nothing to be excited or look forward to, I had no goals or targets only my dream.
When it got to the stage where I thought I couldn’t go on I woke up, I thought to myself that only I can make myself excited and give myself things to look forward to. If I want to go travelling, look at places and prices and work hard to earn enough money to go. My life will not be the same as anyone else’s. My journey is my own personal experience and nobody can take control of that but myself, I am in the driver’s seat of my own life nobody else and I had to realise that. I can do anything I set my mind to.
Therefore, this post is for everyone who’s ever felt lost in life. I’ve been through the worst of it and I know how lonely and miserable it feels. Social Media doesn’t help at all and i’m now trying to limit myself on it since if I’m being honest it isn’t healthy! I will only use it to talk to people majority of the time. Try and not to be so absorbed into other peoples lives and focus on your own. Trust me, not only will you feel like your life will be better, but your happiness will be also. And kick all the negative people who rub things in your face out of your life, you don’t need that.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain